Hello, dear blog, it's been a while. Oh how I've missed you! You'll be glad to know that I'm back now, a little bit dumber, a lot wiser, and just as pensive as ever. But before I embark on posting new contemplations, I thought I'd share an artifact I found in a recent excavation of my email archives -- because what better way to celebrate newness than by revisiting past perspective?
I detest Reality-TV. 99% of the shows couldn't be any further from the genre's name. Having said that, if there was a Reality-TV show created that presented my daily life's experiences for all to see, then it would probably look something like this:
Dear Renegade Prose,I was surprised to have even reconnected with you after so long. Spending time with you makes my day. You make me laugh all the time, which I can't get enough of. I like how you introduce me to new things. I try the same with my super duper secret iced coffees. :-) You motivate my creative juices. You make me want to talk to you about anything and everything! The list goes on and on. It's all the little things that put a smile on my face. No doubt, I am really happy being around you.
You're great at expressing yourself, and me...well, not so much. I only yap my gums at things that I think I'm fairly certain about. [THIS PART HAS BEEN EDITED DUE TO EXPLICIT CONTENT]. The idea is actually ridiculous. Now, I'm not saying that anyone is asking me to choose one or the other but it still feels like that. Unfortunately, I am that person that can detach myself easily...and remove all emotions from a situation. I don't know if I would txt you after a few days... I have lost many a friendships over this part of my personality. It's not because I don't care... I just don't have trust in people or myself to keep working on relationships. Once I feel things getting complicated, I want to bounce...and I really don't want you and I to bounce. I don't think I can give you the 100% you are willing to give to me. I just don't have that to give right now.
All I want is to see you happy, and it's selfish/unfair to keep you all to myself, when in actuality [EDITED FOR EXPLICIT CONTENT]. I want us to see each other, but I don't think you can look at me as just your buddy, pal or friend. I see you as more, though I shouldn't... but I don't want to lead you on anymore. It hurts my feelings to say all of this, but it's honest and from the heart, no mysteries. I believe we came into each others life for a reason. (maybe not the one we want?!) I know you understand all of this...but I haven't been expressing it as much as I should. It seems like an excuse to say I'm confused, but when someone feels lost, it's the only thing to say. Is is possible for you to still be around me... even if it's once in a while? even if it's not romantic? even when I'm cranky and distant? even when u probably want to punch me out? can we be friends like that? my answer is yes, as long as you are in my life... but it's your life too, and I'll accept whatever you tell me.:-*
While this show might not equate the popularity of Jersey Shore or Pawn Stars, it definitely would surpass both programs in authenticity. It's rare to find such a bona fide expression of one's thoughts as the kind seen above.
So if, one day, subtitled relationships ever catch the masses' collective eye, then make sure you tune into my acceptance-speech at the Emmy Awards.
